The Struggling Student - By Senior Blog Author: Sharron M.

Photo Credit: Brandon Andersen

   Ever since I could remember, I was an aspiring perfectionist. Nothing pleased me more than to set aside a task that was done without error. Though I initially struggled in school, I was an overall successful student who eventually graduated with a Bachelor Degree in Early Child Hood Education & my Special Education License with a score of 4.0 (deemed by many, to be the perfect score).

   At this point in reading, some of you may be wondering at the title of this particular article. You might be thinking, “I thought we were going to discuss how our grade school student is struggling to get good grades.”

   Instead, I want us to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Doubtless, if you have raised a child who has always strived to be a perfectionist, you understand. If you are in the process of raising one, you might get some insight.

   So, we are going to move onto our topic:

    Labels.

   Labels stick to people. Labels like: perfectionist, procrastinator, hardworking, lazy, giving, selfish, etc. The problem is that many people take the label at face value without actually trying to discover the underlying characteristics.

   Actually, if I could, I would re-label the perfectionist child as the struggling child. Which brings me to my next point, we never stop learning until we are dead, thereby, making us a student our whole life. A student is defined as taking interest and studying a particular subject. That holds true whether we are learning to download music, preserve tomatoes, change the oil on the car, or get to a new destination while traveling.

   Why did I term a student bent on perfection as struggling? Perfection often isn’t instantaneous. It requires a lot of work on the individual’s part to accomplish this. Anything less than perfect is frowned upon and repeated failed attempts increase the individual’s frustration to the point of self-degradation.

    As someone who has often struggled with less than perfect work, situations, and thoughts; the struggle is real. If I don’t succeed in the first couple of tries, I instantly become impatient with myself.

   I’ll give you a real-life example. A lot of the youth I spend time with love playing volleyball. You’ll see this game in progress almost every time the youth get together for fellowship. The problem is, I am bad at volleyball. Yep, not even gonna try to sugar coat this one. I struggle to serve, can’t spike, and rarely can get the ball over the net on my own. In fact, if you see a person running around the court like a headless chicken, that is probably me.

   It becomes painfully obvious to everyone, that I am definitely not the person to have on the team if you want to win. I don’t mean to be a bad player on purpose (honest, I am not trying to help the other team win), I really try my best. I have learned though, effort doesn’t always equal successful results.

   In my early teen years, I avoided this game like the plague. I’d watch, I’d cheer, I’d even offer some advice (Lol, sorry guys.) But I avoided participating because I knew I would struggle miserably. Every once in a while, people would talk me into playing and while I could generally tell that they want to help me learn to play better, there were others not so enthusiastic about having the “weak link”.

   Only recently, have I made steps to overcome this. I have made effort to participate in more games. There are always a few people on my team who often offer advice and suggestions to improve my skills. I have gotten in the habit of telling them, “If you see me make the same mistake several times in a row after showing me how to correct it, please don’t think I am ignoring you. Just understand that it is difficult for me to make the connection of what you are saying, and implement it in the appropriate situation.”

   To date, I can’t say that I’ve improved a whole lot. But I am participating more, and things can only get better. I am actually enjoying it a bit more.

   So here are some words of encouragement to fellow perfectionists out there:

1.     Don’t let the fear of not being perfect, stop you from making the effort of trying and pursuing new things.

2.     It is okay to struggle, everyone does. Just be patient with yourself.

3.     You won’t always be perfect in everything you do, but don’t be discouraged. Just realize that you may have different gifts.

4.     You often can’t achieve perfection by yourself, realize that God has placed individuals in your life to help you.

   Once again, I value any thought and comment you are willing to share. If you are or know a “struggling” perfectionist, write me and tell me about it, I’d love to hear from you!

God bless you richly,

                    Sharron L.

Respect - By Senior Blog Author: Sharron

   Respect is a big deal in today's society. But what is respect?

   While many of us are acquainted with the lesser definition of respect: "A feeling of strong admiration for someone or something induced by their qualities, abilities, or achievements"; many of us struggle with the deeper meaning which is "to agree to recognize/obey and abide by another's authority."

   As a teacher and active member in my community, I cannot begin to count the number of times where the lack of respect was blamed as the reason why society has fallen to such a degree. Many were willing to blame the younger generation, while youth were more likely to blame this shortcoming on circumstances. Whatever the reason, respect has taken a backseat in our society.

   I work with a lot of young people, many of which struggle with their identity as they try to find their place in this world, somewhere they can belong. Respect is definitely something that is difficult for them to grasp. It is difficult for them to respect themselves, much less other figures of authority: parents, teachers, elders, etc.

   One constant source of frustration to most youth, are their parents. The complaint of, "They don't respect me, why should I respect them? They don't even care how I feel or try to see things from my point of view."

   While some might point this out as a self-centered point of view (which I would agree), we need to take a deeper look at the problem here. The child wants to feel respected/acknowledged for their strengths, achievements, and abilities.

   Then we come to the parent's point of view. I literally cringe when I hear a parent say, "My child should respect me because I am their mom/dad. Nothing else matters." Another word, most parents want their children to agree to recognize/obey and abide by their authority.

   Do you see the correlation. Because of the background experience, respect has two different meanings. Different, but also the same.

   Personally, I feel it ridiculous for a parent to demand respect from their child without giving them cause to respect them. This statement may seem borderline and even rebellious by some,  there might be some who'd disagree with me, and I respect their right to do so.

   Let's take respect to a Biblical perspective, shall we? Did God give us reason to love Him? Yes, because He first loved us. Did God give a reason for us to trust Him? Yes, because God always keeps His Word. Did God give us a reason to respect Him? Yes, because He is righteous in His Judgment and His Mercy.

   So if God gave us reasons to respond to Him, why are parents unwilling to do the same? I agree that children should honor their parents, but I do not believe that respect should be bestowed blindly. Truthfully, we'd want someone to obey us because they wanted to, instead of obeying us just because we said so. It is important to become a person worthy of respect and honor, while humbly accepting that others may struggle or fall short of our expectations.

   Parents should respect their children in the godly individuals they are striving to become. Children should respect their parents as a guide and authority in their lives. Neither should do this blindly.

   Romans 2:11 says, "For there is no respect of persons with God."

   God doesn't respect people based on their weath, influence, or position in life. God respects faith, and faith without works is dead.

 Acts 10: 35 says, "But in every nation, he that feareth Him, and worketh righteousness, is accepted with Him."

   Respect is essential to balance the dynamics of a family, and because respect is first learned at home, it is best to lead by example.

   The goal of this blog post is not to offend anyone. But rather to define respect so that it is a goal made plainer and more achievable. As always, I appreciate the time my readers take and I'd love to hear from you. Feel free to leave a comment below. Blessings!

The Little Girl In Pink Shoes

     It had been a fast-paced, breath catching, agonizingly long day. I had worked a 10 hr. shift and now I was at the store shopping for groceries for tomorrow, with housework and meal preparation waiting at home for me.

   I was tired. As I got into line at the check-out register, I noticed a little girl sitting perched in the cart. This tiny toddler flashed me a whimsical smile as she swung her legs back and forth. Blonde ponytails bounced against her shoulder.

   Her parents were busy chatting to her, and to each other as they pulled things from their cart to put on the conveyors belt.

   A little balloon with flowers caught the little girl's attention and she pointed at it, making her request known to her parents.

   Her mom smiled, "You already had a balloon for your Birthday!"

   The little girl shook her head solemnly. "It broken."

   "You mean that it fell off its stem," chimed in her father, "It is okay, you still have the balloon."

   The little girl became more insistent, "I want the balloon."

   In effort to distract her, her mother said, "You got brand new shoes today, aren't they cute?"

   Apparently, their young daughter was in agreement for she swung her feet again and admired the shoes that were glimmering pink with little bows at the top. "Pretty shoes," she chirped to herself. She looked up at her parents that had returned the business at hand of purchasing their selected items. "My pretty shoes," she said again, obviously hoping to garnish an equally enthusiastic response. Her parents made no response. She watched them a moment and then began looking around. Her eyes met mine and she smiled brightly all the while pointing to her new footwear. "My shoes. Look!"

   At this, both parents turned to see who their daughter was talking to.

   I smiled at the little girl and nodded. My demure response only seemed to encourage her. "Pretty shoes." She beckoned me, "Come see."

   Her parents exchanged half amused, half embarrassed smiles that their daughter was conversing a with a complete stranger. Her mother tried to salvage the situation but chattering brightly about her pretty and pink the shoes were, but the little girl was still looking at me. "Come see my shoes," she called again, her cheeks growing plump with another smile.

   I stepped forward and bent to look at the shoes, "They are beautiful! What a pretty pink, and look! They have beautiful bows too."

   The little girl grinned back at me, and smiles had replaced any previous signs of embarrassment on her parents' faces.

   They departed then, the little girl waving good-bye.

   I looked after them reflectively. This young child had been joyous over the gift that her parents had given her, and she had wanted to share that joy with others. It made me realize how important it is to share the good gifts that our Heavenly Father gives us. with others. We shouldn't be quiet and keep to ourselves something that could bring peace and happiness to others.

   I just want to encourage my readers, to share their joys with others. It really is a simple, and encouraging gesture.

   I will close now, but once again, I want to thank you for reading. Have a blessed day!

The Small Things

   Stopping to smell the roses, making time for the small things: these give a special meaning to life. In our fast paced world, it is hard to make time to slow down and just enjoy the moment. When this happens, God will sometimes bring something along to give you that moment to appreciate the simple joys of life.

   One summer morning, I was going to yard sales with my mom and younger sister. I was trying to budget so I was just tagging along. We had made several stops and few purchases. Then we stopped at one particular sale.

   A little lemonade stand was set up, and a little girl along with her younger brother were trying to sell lemonade. The little boy approached several potential customers, extending a cup of lemonade in hopeful expectation. Person after person turned him down.

   At last the little boy turned to me. “Would you like a cup of lemonade for 50 cents?”

   I dug into my wallet and handed him a dollar. “Can I have two?”

   His eyes widened and he eagerly pushed the cup into my hand and raced back to his sister calling for another cup and telling her to hurry. The flurry of breathless excitement put a smile on my face the rest of day. Instead of just making their day, they had made mine.

   I encourage you to make time for the small things. In doing so, you will meet with blessings along the way.

Take Your Time...

   Many times we rush through work and try to get the list of things we have to do, checked off.  It is good to be quick and efficient, but sometimes we need to remember not to rush through things.

    Doubtless most of you have a child, or younger sibling that you tell, "First work and then play."

     With the promise of play more often then not, the student races through their work and you end up with a mass of scribbles, wrong answers, and sloppy work.  Of course then, is the prospect of re-doing it again.

    I always tell my students that if you don't have time to do it right the first time, you must have time to do it right the second time.

    The Bible says:

     "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;"  -  Colossians 3:23

     It is important for children to understand at an early age that when they undertake to do something, they should do the very best they can, 'or why do it?'.  If it is important enough to start, it is doubly important to finish.

    So I encourage you, even if your child or sibling groan about having to re-do their work, continue stressing to them how important that they do things right the first time so that they do not have to do second.  Blessing!

-Sharron

Frustration & Learning

     Learning new things can sometimes be hard, and if that is the case, frustrations are bound to occur.

    How do you know if your child is frustrated?  Usually children will whine, cry, pout, get angry, or just shut off completely and refuse to do work.

     How do you prevent frustrations?  Sometimes frustrations are unavoidable, but there are some measure that can be taken to prevent them from getting out of control.

    Recognize when your child is getting frustrated, or when you are getting frustrated.  Take a break, go over flash cards do some physical exercises, get a drink or snack, read a short story, etc.

     Raising your voice, scolding, or rushing the lesson will only be a source of further frustration to yourself and your student.

    I have learned that each student has their rate of learning and a certain level of work that they are able to complete in a time period.  One child may not struggle with the same things that another child is, or they may complete more work in a short period of time.  Since I have been homeschooling some of my younger siblings, teaching, and tutoring; I realize that we need to learn each child's strengths and weaknesses.

    If you are a mom who is homeschooling you already have a head start.  You know what interests, motivates, encourages, discourages, or frustrates your child.  More often than not, you know some of their strengths and weaknesses.  Form your lessons based on these observations.  You probably notice that each child has a certain attention span or may work better at a certain time of day.

    The important thing is to be patient with them and yourself.  If you are getting stressed, even though they are not, take a break!  Frustrations have a way of spreading from one person to another.  Keep hydrated and reward yourself and your student when a difficult task is complete: a piece of chocolate, special meal or snack, extra playtime, etc.  Just keep a positive attitude and give sufficient time for difficult tasks.  :)

    It is also important to realize that we get frustrated as well, but unlike children we can usually manage our emotions to keep from being too overwhelmed.
 
    What about you?  Do you have some positive teaching strategies when addressing frustrations?  What are some methods of reward, or how do you identify their rate and capabilities of learning?  We'd love to hear from you.  Just type your comments below.  God bless you!

Sibling Rivalry

     Sibling rivalry.  Or in other terms... competition.  Bad or good?  Well, that depends on the motives and attitudes involved, but really, who doesn't like a little friendly competition?

    I have three younger siblings and I would be lying if I said we never competed.  Ever since I can remember, there was always some type of competition going on: who could run fastest, drink the most water, win the race to the top of the stairs.  There were arm wrestling competitions, a competition on who the loudest was, or a contest to see who could hold their breath under water longest.  To be honest, I won most of them.  This makes sense because not only was I the oldest, I had more motivation: a younger sibling besting the older?  I would never hear the end of it.

     Now that most of us have passed our teenage years, we compete with each other less.  Each of us have found our own special niches in the family which was probably determined through sibling rivalry.  Not the best artist?  Two choices: work harder, or find something else to do that others were not as interested in.  Those of us with siblings are really blessed, because as an only child we are less likely to be introduced into various interests.

     My twin sister has her own 3-D printer where she prints plastic objects like decor.  She is a good gardener and she likes sci-fi a bit.

     My brother is our very own computer geek, entrepreneur, and accomplished musician.

     And my youngest sister is an excellent baker, flower gardener, sportsy person.

    So where did I fit in?  I like to garden, but it definitely is not my first choice.  I bake, but my specialty is limited to pies and cobblers.  I am tech savvy to some extent, but I use this intelligence for blogging rather than figuring out the stock market, and would have never thought of owning a 30D printer... I'm also not to great at sports.

    Now, my confession.  I probably could master each of these things as my siblings have but I doubt I would enjoy it as they seem to.  I am the artist among my sibling group, the authoress, the Sunday School teacher, and an aspiring dulcimer player.

    If you are worried about too much sibling competition among your clan, I'd advise you not to (unless of course someone is suffering because of it).  Siblings push us to find what we are good at and to earn our place in the family, so to speak.  Sure, I lost the arm wrestling competitions with my brother as he got older, but he had earned the place in my life as a protector.  My two sisters may have passed me up concerning gardening and athletic skills, but it is fun to have them on my side or eat the fruit of their labor.  Each sibling has their own unique personality, and just because someone says rivalry does not mean sibling fights (though my siblings and I occasionally fought).

    So, what are your thoughts?  Do you deal with sibling rivalry?  Has it pushed you to try new things that you might not have otherwise?  Do you have advice on how to deal with sibling rivalry when it gets out of hand?  I'd love to hear from you!

    Until then, God bless you and thank you for reading.