Memories

     Sometimes, we don't undertake projects or certain activities with our children because it will be "too messy".

     I understand.  If you are going to repaint the living room, it might be better to wait until the toddler is down for a nap; or if company will be arriving any minute and you really need to get the cake into the oven, you might do the stirring yourself.

    I am however, a big advocate of including children in the current family project.  Yes, there are some days where I am in a hurry, or that I really don't want another mess to clean up.  Some days, I have to make time.  No one really likes messes, or the cleaning involved that takes place after them.  But when children are making messes, they are learning.

    That is not to say that I am encouraging a child to dump the small potted plant sitting on my counter, but guaranteed, they'll learn something: not do to it again.

    Sometimes, it is hard to let go of that dream that with 3+ toddlers, your house in never going to be quite immaculate.  And if you are anything like me, toys scattered across the bedroom floor or an overturned chair is bound to irk you.  Sometimes, we have to overlook the mess and realize that they are making memories.

     Toddlers and children in general are interested in just about anything you are currently doing.  I think God put this interest there, because He wants them to learn from us.  Truly, they learn so much!  And their eyes are always watching.

     Yesterday, I had my group of toddlers all diaper changed and ready for an afternoon of outside time.  It had rained all the day prior and also that morning, but the sun had finally come out.  I quickly straightened the room, announcing as I did so, that we were going outside.  Some of them were too young to understand, so they ignored me and took out another toy from the shelf.

     On my to pick up a child, I almost tripped over a little boy who was holding someone's shoe is his hand.  "Shoe, Shoe, Shoe!" he kept saying, and I paused long enough to see that he was following one of his friends that had lost a shoe.  When she finally sat down, he hopped over to her and began to help her put the shoe back on.  He couldn't quite do it by himself so I lent him a hand.  After we were finished he proudly stood up and said, "Yay!  Now, outside!"

    The lesson didn't stop there.  He saw another one of the children who had previously ignored me and he went and tapped him on the shoulder.  "Outside."  He then promptly took the toy the child was playing with, shelved it, and proceeded to stand patiently by the door.  Considering that this boy is not yet two, I found it really impressive!

    In this one incident, it showed that he knew several things.

1.  We put our shoes on before we go outside.
2.  We all go outside together.
3.  We have to put away our toys before we move on to another activity.
4.  We go outside, when we are all standing by the door.
5.  It will go faster if I help!

    This was one of the highlights of my day!  :)  His sweet helpfulness made me smile and realize that after weeks and months of modeling this for them, he had observed, learned, and acted.

    What about you?  Do you have any similar stories?  Have your toddlers or children surprised you with the unexpected knowledge that they learned from you?  I'd love to hear about it!  As always, God bless you and thanks for reading.

 

Saying "No" To Negativity

     Sometimes, it seems that the only word you ever say as a parent, or caretaker, is "No." or some other negative.

    "No, you can't have a cookie for dinner."

    "Don't stand in the chair."

    "You can't scream in the store."

    "Don't dump the toys out!"

    I watch several toddlers on a daily basis, and I realize they probably are just as tired of the negatives as I am.  It is frustrating to both of us, and they don't always know how to handle the limitations with the right attitude.  To be fair, sometimes I don't give the limitations with the right attitude.  I tell them not to play in the water, but sometimes it is just because I do not want to have to change them out of their wet clothes.  After all, I already have enough to do without adding more onto my ever growing list.

    I daily have to realize my own selfishness and pray to God to help me overcome it.  Water is a fascinating experience that is fun and educational.  In a child's perspective it is something to explore and familiarize themselves with.  They haven't lived as long as their parents or their caretakers and sometimes we forget how new to the world they still are.  Each day is a new learning experience for them.

    That isn't to say that "No" shouldn't be a part of your vocabulary, but it can be replaced with other words or worded differently.  Taking a look at the above example, let's try to find a way to say each instruction in a different, less negative way:

    "Maybe after dinner." Instead of: "You can't have a cookie for dinner."

    "We need to sit in the chair so we can be safe." Instead of: "Don't stand in the chair."

    "Let's use an inside voice," Instead of: "Don't scream in the store." (Make sure you are modeling it for them.)

    "If you take the toys out, you'll have to pick them all up," Instead of: "Don't dump the toys."  (Just be sure you follow through with it.)

    In this way, we are telling and showing them the right and appropriate action, instead of just telling them that what they are doing is wrong.  We are also showing that there are consequences that they probably didn't think of, and will make them think twice before they do whatever they are thinking about doing.

     What do you think?  Are you tired of constantly saying "no"?  Let's work on rewording our expectations so that they sound less negative and more instructive.

    Thanks for reading!  As always feedback is welcome.