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| Photo Credit: Brandon Andersen |
Ever since I could remember, I was an aspiring perfectionist. Nothing pleased me more than to set aside a task that was done without error. Though I initially struggled in school, I was an overall successful student who eventually graduated with a Bachelor Degree in Early Child Hood Education & my Special Education License with a score of 4.0 (deemed by many, to be the perfect score).
At this point in reading, some of you may be wondering at the title of this particular article. You might be thinking, “I thought we were going to discuss how our grade school student is struggling to get good grades.”
Instead, I want us to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Doubtless, if you have raised a child who has always strived to be a perfectionist, you understand. If you are in the process of raising one, you might get some insight.
So, we are going to move onto our topic:
Labels.
Labels stick to people. Labels like: perfectionist, procrastinator, hardworking, lazy, giving, selfish, etc. The problem is that many people take the label at face value without actually trying to discover the underlying characteristics.
Actually, if I could, I would re-label the perfectionist child as the struggling child. Which brings me to my next point, we never stop learning until we are dead, thereby, making us a student our whole life. A student is defined as taking interest and studying a particular subject. That holds true whether we are learning to download music, preserve tomatoes, change the oil on the car, or get to a new destination while traveling.
Why did I term a student bent on perfection as struggling? Perfection often isn’t instantaneous. It requires a lot of work on the individual’s part to accomplish this. Anything less than perfect is frowned upon and repeated failed attempts increase the individual’s frustration to the point of self-degradation.
As someone who has often struggled with less than perfect work, situations, and thoughts; the struggle is real. If I don’t succeed in the first couple of tries, I instantly become impatient with myself.
I’ll give you a real-life example. A lot of the youth I spend time with love playing volleyball. You’ll see this game in progress almost every time the youth get together for fellowship. The problem is, I am bad at volleyball. Yep, not even gonna try to sugar coat this one. I struggle to serve, can’t spike, and rarely can get the ball over the net on my own. In fact, if you see a person running around the court like a headless chicken, that is probably me.
It becomes painfully obvious to everyone, that I am definitely not the person to have on the team if you want to win. I don’t mean to be a bad player on purpose (honest, I am not trying to help the other team win), I really try my best. I have learned though, effort doesn’t always equal successful results.
In my early teen years, I avoided this game like the plague. I’d watch, I’d cheer, I’d even offer some advice (Lol, sorry guys.) But I avoided participating because I knew I would struggle miserably. Every once in a while, people would talk me into playing and while I could generally tell that they want to help me learn to play better, there were others not so enthusiastic about having the “weak link”.
Only recently, have I made steps to overcome this. I have made effort to participate in more games. There are always a few people on my team who often offer advice and suggestions to improve my skills. I have gotten in the habit of telling them, “If you see me make the same mistake several times in a row after showing me how to correct it, please don’t think I am ignoring you. Just understand that it is difficult for me to make the connection of what you are saying, and implement it in the appropriate situation.”
To date, I can’t say that I’ve improved a whole lot. But I am participating more, and things can only get better. I am actually enjoying it a bit more.
So here are some words of encouragement to fellow perfectionists out there:
1. Don’t let the fear of not being perfect, stop you from making the effort of trying and pursuing new things.
2. It is okay to struggle, everyone does. Just be patient with yourself.
3. You won’t always be perfect in everything you do, but don’t be discouraged. Just realize that you may have different gifts.
4. You often can’t achieve perfection by yourself, realize that God has placed individuals in your life to help you.
Once again, I value any thought and comment you are willing to share. If you are or know a “struggling” perfectionist, write me and tell me about it, I’d love to hear from you!
God bless you richly,
Sharron L.
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